Just coming up for air...

Mid-term break.

A beautiful fall day.

I am home.

Summer's End

Packing is in progress. Soon we will be back at the apartment in town and preparing for the next nine months of study.

I spent the last relaxing morning at the beach house watching the birds; chickadees and red-wing blackbirds, ducks and herons, hummingbirds and the kingfisher pair as they announced their presence with their funny machine-gun call all drew my attention. As I sip my coffee and swing on the deck, I drink in the fresh air, the sound of the distant crashing waves, and the gardens where all our hard labor can be seen. We have done so much this summer, but it seemed to go all too fast.

I really want to record a snapshot of life this summer, if for no other reason than my later reading. When I am buried deep in the struggle of Latin and agonizing over researching my capstone, I want to be able to just sit and remember this summer. It has been a memorable one.

Since summer seems to be the season to read, we read. Oh yes…we read! We started the summer with the fabulous book by Ki Longfellow entitled The Secret Magdalene (extremely well-researched historical fiction). This is a must read for anyone who is willing to be challenged with a different perspective on very well-known material. This book quickly became the favorite book of my adulthood and one I will be re-reading for my own pleasure. I immensely enjoyed the virtual experience of stepping into the time period I have studied for so long. It was surprising, stunning, unexpected, and familiar…all at the same time.

Another book that was a fascinating and introspective read was The Path, by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh. I gained a huge amount of insight and knowledge from this brief investigation of Chinese philosophers and their ideas. Excellent writing. I suggest reading it with a good friend so you can bounce thoughts off of each other. So good.

Dan Harris, of television mainstream media fame, has written a book that we totally enjoyed, as well, called 10% Happier. This is a rather light and entertaining read that documents his experience of being an anchor on a major network as well as his journey and practice of meditation. Really fun. And, from this book, we are in the process of reading two mentor-authors he recommended – Mark Epstein (Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart) and Joseph Goldstein (Insight Meditation, The Practice of Freedom). Both are gems, however, I prefer the Goldstein book as it is concise and very chewy, if you know what I mean. The book to get if you really are looking for some mentorship. Epstein’s book has a lot of information and interweaving of psychoanalysis, since that is his specialty, which is a bit more tedious and academic, but informative and definitely worthwhile.

In addition to these selections, we are working our way through a new book by Judith Freeman called The Latter Days. It is written very well and is quite revealing about the culture surrounding the LDS Church. Oh, and I can’t forget the one that has changed my health and lifestyle permanently – The FastDiet. Yeah…it is neither a fast nor a diet, but it is something we adopted immediately. Our health and eating have been altered in such good ways – I highly recommend this book. I strongly believe that whatever method one chooses to lose weight or maintain fitness/health, that level of commitment (or sometimes even greater) has to be maintained in order to keep the weight off or maintain the same level of health. So, if one goes on Weight Watchers to lose weight, they have to stay on that program indefinitely to maintain the weight loss. Or if one works out intensely and drinks meal replacement shakes in order to lose the pounds, that has to be maintained indefinitely in order to stay at that weight. However, if one makes easy changes such as are suggested in The FastDiet, health will improve and weight will come off slowly but steadily without immense effort. Truly. The authors of the book are Dr. Michael Mosley and Mimi Spencer – good writing, good medical information, quick read, straightforward and enjoyable. I kid you not when I say that I have dropped 1-2 pounds a week this summer. Slow and steady wins the race! And, reversing the gaining trend I was in is a good thing. I no longer feel helpless, but empowered!

Enough of that…

For visual stimulation this summer, we absolutely loved watching the BBC production of I, Claudius, in preparation for my Latin studies this coming fall. I can’t say enough good things about Derek Jacobi and the other cast that are featured in this series. So very good. We also watched some Star Wars, of course, and Must Love Dogs, which I didn’t care much for…kinda meh, in my view.

In the midst of all that, we road tripped this summer! We started with a trip to Victoria BC, then added an impromptu vacation in Sun Valley, ID. We loved day tripping to Whidbey Island and Coupeville for the Art Festival, Portland for the Saturday Market, Long Beach for the Kite Festival, Westport for Pirate Days, Centralia for awesome antiquing and (always) shopping, Neah Bay for Makah Days and hiking, and Astoria and the Oregon Coast because it is the most awesome place ever. We also played in our own town festivals - Bikers at the Beach, Sand & Sawdust, Antiques & Collectibles, Beachcombers Fun Fair, and Shoppin’ at the Shore. We listened to Celtic bands at our local Irish pub, rode our bikes until our behinds were sore, kayaked up and down the canal, took long walks through the neighborhood, and filled our pockets with beach treasures from hours of beachcombing.

Closer to home, Chuck build a carport and a greenhouse – both valuable additions to our property. We landscaped and gardened, cooked, cleaned and organized, planned and re-planned. And we relaxed…I know, it doesn’t sound like it, but we did. We planned and created a space for a fire pit, then had s’mores until we were sick! We sat in our hanging deck chairs and then nursed sunburns. We chased deer out of the yard, lamented the moles and bamboo, and watched the ducks teach their young how to navigate the canal. And watched the birds…always watching the birds.

Which brings me back to the beginning of this post. As I sat with my coffee this morning watching the birds, I could still see snatches of an early morning dream. It was a rather disturbing dream, where a small girl with long blond hair is running along a bridge that covers an abyss. I can see the girl and I am calling to her, but as I watch she slips through the broken slats of the bridge and falls into the abyss and gets swept away. I call to her and try to get help, but I am told that it just is what it is…

School starts next week. I wish I could say that there is not anxiety here, but that would be a lie.

It is what it is. Done is what had to be done. And I am thankful that we were privileged to be together for this summer – myself, my beloved Chuck, my bestie Lisa, and my amazing and funny teenager, Taylor. We really had a good summer.

Happy fall, everyone.

Just a little 'Body and Soul'

This Saturday, since August drizzle kept me away from a beach walk, Lisa and I decided to check out the 'Body and Soul' Festival. I have never been to a psychic fair before, so this was a whole new experience for both of us!

Tarot card readers, astrologists, psychics, nameologists and experts in magic and alchemy were all well represented. I completely enjoyed the warm, welcoming, and friendly atmosphere. I can easily see why this festival has been popular for 8 years!

I learned some things from a couple of experts and indulged in this wonderful gazing ball you see in the photo. No, it is not crystal, and it is not for seeing into the future. It is for meditation and just for plain ole coolness! It is made of clear leaded glass instead of cost-prohibitive crystal. I have always been fascinated with rocks and crystals; this was a great opportunity to not only see a lot of interesting crystals, but to hear what is understood about their healing powers.

A little alchemy for the Star Child

I could say quite a bit about what I have heard about people who are interested in these types of spiritual beliefs. However, I found this festival to be lighthearted and fun. No demons or devils laying in wait here...only smiles, information, and help for those who attended.

A good place to reflect.

Reflection allows one to look at things in a different way. Somehow stepping outside yourself to view the reflection from another perspective. When we look at ourselves in a mirror, we get to see what others see of us. Well, mostly, anyway.

In cinematography, to see a reflection in a scene alerts the viewer of the reality of the matter, despite the script and actions of the players (an interesting technique used in mystery films, most notably by famous mystery director Alfred Hitchcock). One could go so far as to say that reflections are useful and necessary to get outside our limited perspective.

I feel the distinct need to reflect my current circumstance, as it stands. From inside my head, it seems extremely overwhelming - almost unbearable, at times. However, I'm sure it will seem diminished in intensity when it is over.

Fall semester is just about complete. In fact, there are 12 more actual class days for the Greek class, and far less for my religious class. A brief presentation and a culminating paper are all that are left for what has been an highly interesting and enjoyable upper-division  religion class. When I signed up for Church History with a focus on Women Reformers, it was really my second choice behind a course on the Eastern Orthodox Church. But, I have been so very pleased with this professor and the readings assigned in this course. I looked forward to the lectures, and the personality of the prof made it so worthwhile and memorable.

As for Greek class...to say its intense would be a pretty extreme understatement. It was billed as an "intensive Greek course," but was still supposed to be suitable for beginners. And, it was the only way to take Greek (as well as Latin), as the Classics Department was not offering these languages in a two-semester style, but rather this two-semester's worth of study crammed into one semester. I can tell you that this has not been a productive first-exposure to ancient Greek for me. It is most unfortunate that, in the rush of studying a chapter a day (it is a 5-day a week class for 8 credits), I have missed some foundational pieces of the Greek language puzzle. Most of the others in the class have had previous foreign language training, and even though I had 'studied' Hebrew for close to a decade, I was in no way prepared for this type of language study. It would have been a bit better if the textbook was more user-friendly (especially for beginners), but it is not...in fact, it is a respected text known as being the toughest but most comprehensive in the field of ancient Greek language study. It is most unfortunate for me (and my fellow students) that this expensive text would only be helpful if we already had a working ability within the language. In addition to all that, there are close-to-daily quizzes to encourage memorization. For me, all it encouraged was test-anxiety and destructive stress making it difficult to get to class every day. Even the prof is showing signs of the strain as we near the end of the term (in my view). In the final analysis, I will come out with a year of Greek on my transcript, a somewhat-ability to translate ancient Greek text as long as I have all my 'helps' at my side, including several Greek dictionaries, both English-Greek and Greek-English, as well as my many, many lists of supposed-to-be memorized word endings, prefixes, noun declinations and verb conjugations. Oh G-d, will I be glad when this class is completed!

As if that wasn't enough, we are moving. Yes, right in the middle of all this mandated study, the whole house is turned upside-down in the preparation for moving to another rental. The move will enable us to get away from a toxic landlord situation. But, I fear I will need those Zanax pills that are floatin' around in our medicine stash before it is done! I don't have to tell anyone how moving is a giant upheaval, right? I do like the rental we are moving into, and it is not owned by an individual landlord, but a profession property management company. This is a benefit because if there is any problems, we are protected as tenants by the landlord-tenant laws of the state. What we didn't know was that we were not covered with our current rental situation because the landlord did not own more than 8 properties. *shaking head* Can I just say that we will NEVER again find ourselves at the mercy of a landlord without legal recourse? Most people don't know about this small detail of the law, but tenant beware! If you are renting from a landlord with less than 8 rental properties, you as the tenant have no recourse in the case of dishonesty, slander, or fraud, except to take them to small claims court. And, I have heard (from a reliable source - the Tenants Union) that judges just don't have much time nor respect for these types of cases. Sheesh. But, I am so thankful that a management firm was willing to take us on as tenants despite the slanderous report of our former landlord. So very thankful. Onward and upward.

Awareness is a good thing. And, I gain more awareness every day. Awareness of how much I can take at school. Awareness of the difference between what I expected when contemplating university and the reality of attending. Awareness of how to stay out of bad landlord situations. Awareness of my own sensitivities and introverted tendencies, and how it is perceived (or not even noticed) by others. Awareness of the needs that I put aside for the comfort and benefit of others. Awareness of time passing and of my drive for perfection. And although all this awareness is good, I am searching for a way to deal with it all...a place to put it where it won't overtake me.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; 
whom shall I fear? 
The Lord is the stronghold of my life; 
of whom shall I be afraid? 
When evildoers assail me to devour my flesh— 
my adversaries and foes— 
they shall stumble and fall. 
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; 
though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. 

One thing I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: 
to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, 
to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple. 

For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; 
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will set me high on a rock. 
Now my head is lifted up above my enemies all around me, 
and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; 
I will sing and make melody to the Lord. 
Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me! 
“Come,” my heart says, “seek his face!” 
Your face, Lord, do I seek. Do not hide your face from me. 
Do not turn your servant away in anger, you who have been my help. 
Do not cast me off, do not forsake me, O G-d of my salvation! 
If my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up. 
Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.
Do not give me up to the will of my adversaries, 
for false witnesses have risen against me, and they are breathing out violence. 
I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
~Psalm 27

I am well aware that I give all of my time away to others. I don't get much time to write for pleasure these days - all my writing is done at the will of someone else and for critique. I do miss writing for pleasure. Spending time in reflection is necessary, indeed...and a vital part of writing for me. Through writing, sanity is regained - perspective is centered. A little time stolen to reflect, write and to be alone to recharge is not nearly enough, but it will have to suffice for now.
And, I am so very thankful for it.